Lyric Conundrum

Here is the chorus of the Redline Project song called Commons:

Black hand, White hand
Gripping each other
Dance in circles
Sister and brother
Leaping glittered splash
Underneath the fountain
Fifteen miles
A world apart
There's plenty of time
For broken hearts
Drink the moment
At the barefoot Commons

A handful of trusted friends all pointed out that this chorus is riddled with cliche and overused imagery. The song tells the story of two neighborhoods: a rougher part of town and the wealthy urban high rise community. The idea is that both neighborhoods have their detriments and their benefits. Neither one hell, neither one heaven.

The Commons refer to a public garden in Boston that sits under the shade of ancient willows and oaks, where people from any neighborhood may come enjoy a moment of its delights. It is the Eden of the song, and in it the only true harmony is found.

If the chorus is to describe this utopia, it ought to do so in an artistically appropriate and poetically sensitive way. I am going to take a swing at a rewrite.

Anyone have some ideas and want to chime in? If your ideas are accepted, you will get mentioned in the project's liner notes.