Petite Rant

Though I have sifted through countless online forums and tried a dozen remedies, my Alesis Multimix 12 (a firewire mixer) continues to make a horrid low-pitched hum whenever I attempt to record my Guild acoustic electric guitar through it. I have checked for ground loops and acquired noise-cancelling direct boxes. I have attempted to ground the unit by running wires from its chassis to the base of my computer, around my pinky finger, and even down my pants (long story). All solutions reduce some unwanted sound, but I am yet to hit upon the silver bullet.

I finally rang Alesis tech support this morning, figuring they have heard the gripe before. After running me through ten ideas I tried weeks ago, I hung the phone on its cradle and found myself wishing there was hair atop my bald head so I could pull it out in frustration.

How can company after company, with precious few exceptions, possess such thorough ineptitude in troubleshooting their own products? I would put serious cash on the line that my call was not the first of its topic to ring at the help desk. Just once, I would like to dial an 888 number to find a friendly, knowledgeable person on the other end who solves my issue in ten minutes or less. Sounds like a frosty day in the underworld.

There. Rant over.

Considering that I use precisely one of the strips in this 12 input mixer, I have started to research much simpler interfaces that would enable great sound and ease of use in one portable box. Across the board, the Apogee One and the Apogee Duet seem to take the cake. Their prices are on the steep side, so I am hoping to trade the Multimix to someone who has an Apogee product. Until then I will plug along with the Alesis box and clean noise fragments with Logic's host of powerful plug-ins.

Small Steps - Forwards and Backwards

Allow me to pontificate about message boards. When the opportunity to acquire an Alesis firewire mixer came along, I did as any good e-peon would do: I typed the model number into Google and mashed the button. Over 10,000 hits appeared, mostly to sites like IgnoramusExpert.com or ConceitedBasementTechs.net. Everything I could find seemed to say that the particular unit up for consideration is to computer recording what an icy Coca Cola is to a steamy August day. The perfect compliment, the balm for that which ails.

And the guy selling it lives less than four miles from my house. Score. I flopped ten crisp twenties on his kitchen counter and carried the digital bundle of joy back to the car.

I have been an acoustic instrumentalist for 25 years. Hit a drum, it makes a sound. This is the level of musical technology with which I have comfort. I also understand computing with a Mac. You buy a new mouse, you plug it in, it works. You want to add a drive, just slide it into place. Done. So you could imagine my wide-eyed, wiggly-tailed enthusiasm about running a simple wire between the mixer and computer and being instantly ready to lay down some tracks.

You may have figured out by now that the exciting prospect of the Redline Project has drizzled me with a delicious naivety. Late last night the first fingernail scratched the chalkboard.

The matte-gray beast skipped and popped, and the recording level was barely registering, and there was an awful, persistent hissing. One hundred knobs stared me in the face like a cyclops gone terribly wrong, all taunting, "Turn me, twist me, just try it."

I looked to my old friends the message boards for a little comfort, a little guidance. Much to my dismay, the whole two-faced lot of them had turned on me. Scores of skeptics had logged their frustrations with the same unit now sitting in my basement, most with a laundry list of grievances and very few with helpful suggestions. Furthermore, everyone uses a confounding array of technical, insider vocabulary. Latency... what the heck is latency?

I am thankful for my good friend Peter who comes over for coffee and good conversation each Thursday morning before work. He is something of a whiz with musical gear, and he had a look at my tangle of wires. Though we are not out of the woods yet, he had a few tips and ideas that give me some semblance of hope that my purchase will not prove to be a grand waste.

Due credit goes to Peter once again for lending me a condenser microphone. Any analog sounds that wind up on the final project will only be there because of this generous loan, and it will keep a good chunk of the budget unspent.

A friend that I have known since middle school contacted me with the following uplifting story. I am sharing it to encourage all of us to continually look for opportunities to express the creativity that dwells in all of us. She writes:

I am on the brink of a musical rebirth. I'm not sure if you remember that I sang in the choruses all through middle and high school. From there I was in a few ensembles and a cappella groups in college and loved every minute of it. After I graduated though, focus turned to career and family, and music took a backseat.

Now here I am, six years later, and a few months ago I got a chance invite to sing in an upstart band. It was one of those "in the right place at the right time" situations that had to be divine intervention, like a nudge from the universe to jump back in and rediscover that part of myself that I've been missing for so long.